A Chapter Closes

10 years ago I delivered a forgotten bible to a friend who spent Wednesday evenings surrounded by junior high aged students.  Little did I know how my life was about to change.  After making my delivery, I was invited to join Heather's small group for the next hour.  A month later I started leading my own group of girls.

One of the first things I learned in youth ministry is that leaders are under a microscope.  Teens look to you to determine what steps they should take in their own lives.  Parents look to you to set a shining example of faith for the children they love.  Many times I've felt inadequate in recognizing my own imperfections with the knowledge that my choices are being watched.  I've learned the importance of transparency in my faith.  I am not perfect, nor can I ever be, but when you are serving others being honest about your shortcomings or questionable choices is vitally important.

Another major thing I learned about youth ministry is that its a huge commitment.  To invest in a young person's life you have to be willing to put time in and get dirty; all nighters, over nighters, sporting events, graduations, retreats, week long trips that take you away from family and work, unexpected late evening visits, etc.  That's just the time investment.  Getting messy is a whole different story.  Think back to when you were a teenager...  drama, acne, height, drama, weight, clothing labels, drama, puberty, relationships, friendships, did I mention drama.  If you were anything like me during those years, you were looking for someone to say you were alright and remind you that its possible to survive the experience.  As a leader, sure you can show up once a week for a couple of hours and you've technically filled your quota.  However, if you're looking for for an "atta boy/girl" because you've simply showed up, you're there for the wrong reasons.  Two fold, students will see right through your phoniness and your level of impact in their lives will be minuscule. However, if you make a few sacrifices in your schedule, be honest, ask them tough questions, and really dig in, both you and the students will benefit.

The biggest thing I've learned from being involved in youth ministry is how easily a leader's heart gets involved in the ministry.  Over the course of the last 10 years I've cherished the intimacy of each year's small group, the experience gained through summer trips to various locations, the long lists of extra curricular events that I've attended to show support for our athletes, actors, musicians, etc.  I've hurt with students who are trying to recover from the effects of poor choices, my heart has broken to hear students confess that they no longer believe in God, and I've celebrated achievements and said goodbye year after year to students that I have come to love.  Yes, youth ministry is definitely a ministry of the heart.  I know mine will never be the same.

The reason I mention all of these things is because without planning it, this chapter in my life appears to be closing.  Over the course of the last couple of months, my life has begun to head in a different direction.  I've fallen in love with someone who was once one of my closest friends.  During our separation, as I was investing in the lives of teenagers, Mark was starting a family.  He never would have chosen the course his family would ultimately take.  Like me Mark sees the lesson to be learned through tough experiences and has chosen to allow this lesson in life to make him a better person, husband, and father.  It still blows me away that he wants me to stand beside him in his 'new life."  Truthfully, I don't know that I will never again be involved in youth ministry.  In fact, I hope that one day Mark and I can both be involved together.  What I know for a fact is that right now, I have other investments that require priority.  A future husband and three young children who need my focus and attention.

A part of my heart breaks knowing what I'm leaving behind but another part is excited to see what the future will hold.  Please continue to pray for me as I turn new pages in the book of my life.