Thursday, October 22, 2009

Strength

"Everlasting God"  Chris Tomlin

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles


Today this worship song is on my heart.  Each time we sing it in either Rhiza or with the worship community, I get a (randomly strange) visual of one of those inflatable figures that people put out during the holidays. 


Too often as Christians, living life on the front lines, we feel deflated.  Not in a hopeless sense as in a life without the joy of Christ, but rather in a tired sort of way.  Why is that?  I believe that its because we are human and our timelines don't always match up with God's.  Because of this, we take the battle into our own hands and end up exhausted trying to survive on our own strength.  

Isaiah 40:31 is clear "Those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." 

Maybe we should be waiting for God's lead in the battle, rather than charting our own course, ending up out of his will, and deflated.  Just a thought.  Feel free to share yours.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I'm still waiting Lord

A myriad of thoughts running through my mind, emotions playing with my heart, and questions begging for answers.  I'm beginning to feel like my time with the Lord in prayer is far too short for the burdens on my heart.  Many of which are too personal to share online but I will share the song on my heart today.

I Will Wait - Attaboy

I hear you say
Just have faith
But I have almost run out
I can’t take
One more day
I want what I want right now
With all my heart I pray
Give me strength to say

I will wait
Wait on You
All my days if you want me to
Time is cheap
It’s not mine to keep
So I will wait, wait on You

I know you could
I think you should
Fix this situation
I scream your name
It feels in vain
Because of my impatience
My plans have fallen short
Replace my dreams with yours

I will wait
Wait on You
All my days if you want me to
Time is cheap
It’s not mine to keep
So I will wait, wait on You

Forever and a day
As long as it takes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9XskskW7T8

Lord, thank you for the many blessings in my life.  Thank you for the relationships you've allowed to shape and mold me and others.  Thank you mostly for forgiving the sin you knew I would commit, offering grace, and loving me regardless.  Thank you for your Son.  Our time together this morning was so short and my heart is still heavy.  You see and know all of the things on my mind.  I know you have a plan for all the issues bombarding my heart right now and I know there is a purpose for all of the situations I'd like to see going differently.  You have proven time and again that I can trust you with my heart and the hearts of those I love so let me rest in that trust.  Let us not get burdened with the earthly issues that surround our existence.  Give us strength to overcome the pressures that face us each day.  Let us find rest in the perfect relationship that you offer us.  Carry my burden today Lord, I give it to you.  Please carry the burdens of those I love as well.  They may not think to ask but I'm asking for them.  As much as I love them, I know you love them even more.  Thank you for that.  I'll talk to you later tonight, Lord.

Monday, October 19, 2009

A Heavy Heart...

Let me preface this post by saying I know that I care too much.  Some have called it a flaw but I honestly believe that God has created me this way for a purpose.  Occasionally I question that purpose but most days I accept it and simply show people love from the abundance of what I've been given.  I'm loyal and committed and when I care for someone, be it friend or otherwise, my heart aches for things in a way that many other people's may not.  This post falls into the otherwise category...

Sunday I learned that John Mouthaan passed away.  Thankfully, Lauren spoke to me personally before I was caught off guard with a public announcement of some sort.  I can't say enough how much I appreciated that.  She shared with me the details of his death and caught me up on how each person in the family was doing emotionally.  Thankfully both Phil and Nick were able to fly home to be with family and take part in the funeral process.  All of the remaining family was local enough to be able to drive in.

As I've prayed for their family over the last two days, the depth of my own emotion has caught me off guard.  Compared to others, I didn't know John well; beyond seeing him at family events and sharing a bleacher with him at occasional sporting events.  It was easy to see that he was a family man; proud of his children and grandchildren.  In his own quiet way, he showed them how much he cared for them - a joke, a hug, an encouragement.  All these I remember.  He always struck me as someone from whom one could learn alot.  A man with faith, experience, and wisdom for the asking.  Probably not unlike most grandfathers.

As little as I knew John, I did know Phil and how much he cared for his grandfather.  I know the level of respect that Phil had for his grandfather; the curiosity he had for the time John spent in a war (WWII) that he didn't speak about; and how much he admired the man that his grandfather was.  I ache for Phil's loss of such a man.  My heart goes out to the entire family, mourning the loss of their patriarch, but mainly to Phil.

I have grown close to my own grandmother in my adult years; not nearly as old as John's 86 years but aging just the same.  I recognize that one day I will receive a phone call letting me know that the time has come to say goodbye to the woman who is the backbone of our family.  Just the thought of what Phil is going through right now brings tears to my eyes.  Partially due to consideration of the emotions I would be struggling with were our roles reversed, but mainly due to the fact that the the piece of my heart that I once gave to Phil remains with him, and he's hurting right now. (just to clarify, I'm not speaking romantically)

Tonight I'll offer my condolences to the family that was once as close as my own.  Tomorrow we'll remember the man that John was, what he meant to so many people, celebrate that he's started his eternity with Christ, and lay his body to rest.  For this moment though, I'm going to allow the memories to flood in and the tears to fall as I mourn for the Mouthaan's, Newton's, and Phil...

I'll leave you with the current song playing on my heartstrings. 

'Trying' Eleventyseven.

Life can feel like a red light screaming "Go!"
And everyday means an answer I don't know.
This world can make you wanna fake it
And nobody wants to face it alone.
Its hard to shake that feeling that your hearts not home.

I'm trying to live,
Trying to hope,
Trying to love,
Trying to cope,
Life's a war that few of us survive.
And I'm just trying to make it out alive.

Everyone has a story to be told,
And every tongue has a lie it could expose.
This world describes all the treatments,
To keep all the secrets you want,
We've learned how to think,
Without our minds turned on.

I'm trying to live,
Trying to hope,
Trying to love,
Trying to cope,
Life's a war that few of us survive.
And I'm just trying to make it out alive.

The pain we go through is what makes us who we are.
And if we hold each other through,
The deepest darkest parts...

Then we can live,
Then we can hope,
Then we can love,
Then we can cope,

Life is not a jump it is a head first dive!

I'm trying to live,
Trying to hope,
Trying to love,
Trying to cope,
Life's a war that few of us survive,
And I know we can make it out alive.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

the "joys" of previous owners...

Let me start by saying "I love my house." Its old and thus filled with character, charm, and plenty of projects to take on to fill boring evenings. While far too large for just one person, the amount of space opens up endless ministry and entertaining possibilities. This excess of space also affords me the luxury of finding ways to decorate to minimize each individual space and create a comfortable and homey atmosphere.


I should also note that I really like some of the random things that have been left in my house; a vacuum, microwave, spare furniture, work benches, lumber, etc. I'm currently working to refinish an antique desk that was left to collect cobwebs and dust in the basement. What's not to love about that?? One other item that is not included in the above list but is too curious to not mention in this blog is a handmade piece of pottery that looked like several snake heads, and also contained a bunch of "questionables" inside. Good times!


Anyway, all that being said; what I don't love about my home are the "issues" that indicate not so conscientious previous owners. Let me clarify that, in venting my frustration, I'm in no way intending to criticize the character of any of the former lovers of my home. As much as a "thing" can have such attributes, the house is very endearing and seems to have been loved by many people (about which I know next to nothing). I'm sure most of these people, if not all, were decent upstanding citizens who personalized the home to their liking. My intent is to not critcize their style, just the lack of thought that accompanied some of the projects they endeavored. Both have become more apparent as I tackle each new "improvement" to what is now my beloved home. Probably more so due to my OCD nature.


Other than improving the structural integrity of the barn (for which I am truly grateful), the man I bought the home from, Ed Stedman, made no changes to the property. None that I recollect anyway, being that I toured 11 N. Clover prior to his purchase. Technically, since Ed didn't do much during his residency, he's off the hook here. "Thanks for the extra microwave and vacuum Ed." Moving on.


From what I've gathered, the people Ed purchased the home from were responsible for the update to the master bath (again, I am very grateful). However, the renovation includes improperly finished drywall; mismatched lighting, plumbing fixtures, hardware, and mirrors; upside down GFI outlets; and doors that do not match those in the rest of the house.  If you're not sure what you're doing - do a little research and educate yourself.  That's all I've got to say on that.


The remaining issues that have arisen were created by an unknown owner, or at least one that hasn't been clearly defined to me. The facts are as follows:


Windows. All of the original windows in the home on the lower level have been painted shut. They are the old school windows with sash cords and weights.  Beyond just painting the windows shut, many of the the sash cords have been either painted (I assume to cover dust) or cut off entirely.  Even if I could break through the layers of paint locking my windows show, the cut and painted cords add an additional element to my dilemma.  My bedroom window was most likely replaced with the improvements done to the bathroom. As such, it is thankfully in good working order. The two sliding glass doors are also in working order but this brings me to my second window related concern ~ who puts an inaccessible second slider in a home where a window should go instead? My insurance company wanted me to put steps up to this over sized window! Instead, my dad was good enough to help me build a rail that is now mounted to the wall so no one falls out of the slider that is never used.

Wall Finishes. Nearly every room on both floors sports wallpaper with several coats of paint overtop. If that isn't bad enough, I've had to replace every single outlet and switch (covers included) because all of them had been painted over. Some with enough coats of paint to render them unuseable. Additionally, last fall I discovered that one of the upstairs rooms was never primed prior to painting. How did I "discover" this? I decided to paint stripes on the wall and at the completion of my project, when I pulled the tape lines off the wall, several colors of paint came right up with it. I called my dad (what would I do without him) in tears about this... Thanks to growing up in a constant construction project, I knew enough about spackle and patchwork to repair the mess made.  Not quite good as new because tape lines are cleaner lines than the ones made by shaky hands but good enough to pass my inspection.

Plumbing.  If its leaking, clamps and silicone caulk do not count as a solid fix... Even 1" thick caulk.  This is not up for discussion, its just a fact.  Grab your saw, some new piping and connections, pipe cleaner and glue, and do the job right.


Decks.  4x4's are not used on decks for decorative purposes.  They are structural support.  As such, burying them 6" in the ground is ineffective.  K?  Glad we're on the same page now.

I'm not quite sure how to end this post other than to say that I recognize the blessing of being able to own my own home - I am very blessed.  I'm not a negative person so don't read too much into what I've said.  Just have a laugh with me about the "joys" of previous owners.  I would love to hear other people's stories so post a comment if you have your own horror stories to share.