Someday Stepmom Insecurities

This weekend I will meet Mark's kids for the first time.  Its a holiday weekend so I pretty much saw it coming but that still doesn't mean I don't feel unprepared.  I've seen pictures and picked both Mark and Sarah's (Mark's mom) brains about Emily, Ali, and Dylan's individual personalities.  I've done the best I could to try and learn as much as possible about them before this date arrives.  However, I still have a knot in the pit of my stomach about how major this is.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to meet them and see first hand the children that Mark so adores.  He's been amazing with all the kids in my family so I can only imagine that will be amplified with his own flesh and blood.  I know how much he misses them and getting him to a point where he has a place to bring them for his scheduled weekend visits has been a continued point of conversation for us.  Talk will one day become reality but we're still working out the details of right now.  Right now, I'm uncertain.

One concern is the relationship with Mark's ex.  In a perfect world, we would be able to all sit down as adults and play nice for the sake of the kids.  The reality is that divorce is ugly and its already created an imperfect situation.  My hope is that Jenny will see that we all want what's best for the kids but I don't know her to know if that's possible.  I know Mark's feelings toward her and I'm guessing she has feelings for him that are just as volatile.  I firmly believe that as time passes, the strength of those feelings will lessen.  For now its an intense situation that could potentially explode around us.    

As out of control as things could get with Jenny, she isn't my primary concern.  Wednesday three names will become three little faces.  Faces that I have the ability to impact for either good or bad.  Faces that will reflect the choices that Mark and I make in our relationship.  Faces that are relying on the adults in their lives to protect their innocence and childhood.  Wednesday I become one of those adults.  I have no doubt that Mark will be able to work me into the fabric of his relationship with his children.  But at this point there are no clear instructions on how to do that in the least unsettling way possible for them.  This is what leaves me feeling inadequate.

To be completely honest, this someday step mom is nervous.  Prayers would be appreciated.

First Time Turkey Day

♪♫ Tradition ♪♫  (right now I'm picturing the scene from Fiddler on the Roof where the dad is singing his lungs out about that very thing)  Ahhhhh - the memories!!

Do you have specific holiday traditions for Thanksgiving?  I would wager a guess that you do; its almost unamerican to not establish clear traditions for the ins and outs of turkey day.  My family's traditions have changed since I was a child but there are still rules that must be followed and procedures that must be maintained.  For instance; since my maternal grandmother passed away, we no longer split our time between my dad's family and my mom's family.  We now have our own family meal at the Turner homestead.  Regardless of the new location; the table still has a bird, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, rolls, corn casserole, various pies, and whatever else we can squeeze onto it; we still sort through the black Friday adds while we wait for the bird to finish; and the guys still try to squeeze in a trip to the woods.  Tradition!

As to personal routines, I start the day early.  Many years ago the Freeland family started a tradition of playing football on Thanksgiving morning and eventually invited fellow KCBC'ers to join in the fun.  Lance and Dennis are now serving as missionaries in Africa but the tradition of playing football at the KCHS field continues.  When I bought my house in Kent City, I started making sticky buns and cocoa and bringing them to the game for the players and spectators to enjoy.  Once the game finishes, I head home and start taking down my fall decor to make room for my Christmas decor.  Then I'm off to mom's to help with the big meal.  Tradition!

This weekend will reflect a different sort of tradition that incorporates many turkey day standards.  Since high school the 4 Amigos (Rachel, Brenda J, Brenda A, and me) have gotten together each time an introduction is required (AKA each time a new guy needs to be inspected and approved of).  I've been the holdout in the marriage department so its been awhile since we observed this tradition.  However, its time for those who know me best (and have the most dirt on me) to meet Mark.  We typically go karoaking but this time that wasn't feasible so I decided to host a party.  With the holiday quickly approaching and my yearning for stuffing and gravy steadily growing stronger, I decided to make it a pre-Thanksgiving party complete with the holiday fixings.  Sadly, its been about 3 years since we were all in the same room so I'm hoping that this becomes an ongoing thing so we'll at least be together once a year.  Tradition!!

I have grand plans for Saturday but I also have low expectations for my ability to pull it off.  This will be the first time I've cooked my own bird - eek!!  I have a great cheer leading squad of people on speed dial so I should be alright. Besides, Mark will be there to help and he swears he has experience in the field of poultry preparation.  Still, as it stands I'm not sure whether I'm more nervous about cooking the bird right or gaining the full support of people who have stood beside me in so many other areas.  We shall see...  Wish me luck!  With both the poultry and the fella :)

So There's This Guy...

I know you're thinking "WHAT!??"  And that's okay; I'm good with that.  Its true, the cobwebs have definitely begun to develop in my dating life over the last few years for various reasons.  If you know me well, you know why so I won't get into that here and now.  That's not what this post is about.  However, currently there's this guy...

History is a funny thing sometimes and this guy and I definitely have plenty of that.  I'll start at the very beginning so you get the full picture.  When I was a sophomore at GHS, I took a shop class - one semester of wood shop and one semester of metal shop.  The class was filled with various grade levels from seniors to freshman. I don't remember many of the people in that class but there were three freshman I met in that class that still come to mind from time to time; Mark Davis, Mike Espinoza, and Mark Bouwkamp.  Mark Davis was the cousin of a close friend of mine that died of an aneurysm that year.  It was a very difficult and painful experience for both Mark and I and it bonded us for a short time.

The other two guys and I became fast friends after we discovered that we all loved wrestling.  During my freshman year I'd gotten involved as a statistician working under my sister's management of the team.  My sophomore year was to be my first year as manager and their first year on the team so we were all pretty excited for wrestling season to roll around in November.  We had a great season hanging out together and learning the ropes and expectations of the team.  My junior year of wrestling was by far my best year with a great, if not rough, group of guys who respected me and a good support system of statisticians.  Mike, Mark, and I were pretty much inseparable during any down time we came across.  However, that year Mike broke his arm midway through the season, putting an end to some of our fun.  When the season ended, after months of of him hinting at it,  I invited Mark to go to my Jr Prom with me and we had a blast at the prom and after-prom party.  As life goes, the next year (my senior year) brought many changes; Mike decided to not risk another break and hung up his singlet, my Jazz Choir switched their practice from mornings to evenings, and there was ongoing drama amongst the statisticians.  When I wasn't with the Jazz Choir, to avoid the drama I spent the majority of practices inputting records in the coach's office rather than on the floor with the guys.  Truthfully, I remember little else that we had in common in HS beyond wrestling and our love of shop class.  I do remember spending hours and hours talking to both guys as our HS years quickly passed by.

After my graduation, I still made a few visits to the Bouwkamp house and I was in the stands cheering when Mike & Mark got their diplomas.  As life often dictates, my friends and I went our separate ways after high school.  We all stayed local but it only takes a few fingers to count the number of times I've run in to my buddies from that long ago shop class.  However, the number of times I've thought of each of them cannot be so easily counted.

Fast forward to October 2010.  Out of the blue I received a mysterious voice mail from Mark who was "calling to catch up."  The details are irrelevant but within a week we were pretty much inseparable again.  Don't get me wrong, ALOT has happened in both of our lives over the last ten years.  My life and dreams have totally changed from those of the naive and innocent child I was as a senior in high school.  Mark now has three beautiful children and a reputation he's trying to make amends for.  Our paths went in totally different directions but over the last few weeks its been amazing to see how well our pasts fit together and compliment each other.  The foundation of friendship that we developed 13 years ago has made the beginning of our current relationship relatively effortless.  In many ways, when we're together, its like the last 10 years just disappear.  Unfortunately we'll be working through the results of those 10 years for awhile but we're taking it a day at a time.  In the meantime, "there's this guy" and I'm definitely twitterpated :)