Did I mention that I bought a house in April. Yes, I know... "what a big girl I am."
It's a huge adventure for me with many projects ranging from small to large. When I signed on the dotted line, visions of changes were running through my head. I love construction so my dreams were big. Reality has placed my feet back on the ground though and the reality is that I'm a very busy gal. For example, I've been in the house for nearly 3 months and have yet to finish painting even the first floor rooms. (not that there's any rush but let me make my point) My bathroom was the first room I tackled (in early May) and I still haven't finished it... Because I'm too busy.
I've been in prayer quite a bit regarding this lately. As I've told other friends, a couple of years ago I felt that being busy was therapeutic and necessary in the healing process that I was going through. That period of time has long since been done and I now I feel convicted over the lack of rest in my life. Even God rested! I realize the importance of taking time for it and I can definitely see the difference in my attitude when I am well rested. All this to say that my "busyness" is not due to ignorance on the topic. Much of the issue may be related to my apparent inability to just "say no." Yes mom, I am agreeing with you - put it on the calendar :o) If I see someone in need, I jump in; if a ministry needs assistance, I'm there to stand in the background and help out; if a friend wants company on an evening that I had intended to spend alone, count me in. Not unreasonable requests or demands on my time by any means but the problem is, I never say no.
As I've come to terms with the fact that I am too busy, I've thought long and hard as to how to change that. That is where my current struggle is. How does one pick what has to go in their life? Please pray for me as I grapple with decisions regarding this. Pray that I am obedient when God directs my path in this area. Pray also that I learn to say no for my own good.
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The deeper we look inside ourselves the more we can understand why we do what we do. Below is part of one of my posts. Until I understood why I did this I really couldn't stop it.
"I have found that I seek approval from others to such a degree I look for opportunities to solve problems others have in hopes they recognize me and my importance to them. For many years I was driven to be the hero in hopes others would find me significant and important. The fact is, some seen me as important and some didn't. The ones who did eventually would find someone who was more significant or there would be a task I couldn't complete and they would become disappointed in me. This significance seeking was a roller coaster of emotions within me. Then one day I realized. There is one who finds me so significant he sent his Son to die for me. Once I realized I was significant to God and could be used by him and he had purpose for me and my life - I was released from seeking significance on earth."
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