As a new-ish independent home owner, I've had many instances where I've tackled projects and succeeded in accomplishing them on my own. Each time there is a sense of empowerment that comes into play. I find it very easy to take pride in my abilities but I'm also recognizing that there is a line where confidence in one's own abilities ends up reflected in pride or arrogance. As much as I hate to admit it, I spend quite a bit of time balancing on that line.
Over the last few months, my dad and I have been working on building a new desk for my office. Its a customized take on the Pottery Barn Bedford Project Table (http://www.potterybarn.com/products/bedford-project-table-set/). Pier 1 had a similar desk that I posted on my office cork board as a "dream" desk but it was $900 so it was very much a pipe dream. I was at a friend's house a few months later and I discovered that he'd built the very same desk customized for his family's needs. From there the wheels started turning in my head and here we are. Anyway, I purchased the materials for the desk in February, starting the process. A few weeks later, we cut the components at my dad's and I took the parts home to edge, sand, and paint, thinking I'd be done by the end of the month. Yeah right! Not only have I edged, sanded, and painted, I've also routered, re-painted, poly'd, added brackets, assembled, re-configured (due to a significant size miscalculation), re-assembled, and there's still so much more to do. Add to that unpleasant mix, two very busy people and what seemed a weekend project has turned into a 3 month time investment (probably 6 at the rate we're going).
Another project I've taken on recently has been a spring tune-up on my lawn mower. I successfully tackled changing the oil, the air filter, and installing an alternate blade so the other could be sharpened. All good things must come to an end though. When I mowed my lawn the first time, something happened and the gears on the rear tires stopped turning. I was too far in to not finish mowing the lawn. Have you ever mowed a lawn with a mower who's tires refuse to turn?? Lets call it P90X lawn mowing. Definitely not an experience I planned to repeat. After a little online research, I had a couple of ideas on what was causing the issue and how to fix it. Monday night I took things apart and discovered a stick wedged between the belt and track. With a little elbow grease and grease up to my elbows, I was able to work the stick out and place the belt back in the track. Last night I took the mower out for its maiden voyage - post repairs. And the belt snapped just after I made my first outline of my property. Outstanding!!
As I've struggled through both "sagas", I've been humbled in coming to terms with my own inabilities. For starters, I am not a contractor or a mechanic. I am a perfectionist. I am concerned with appearances. I am impatient. I have a temper. I am selfish. I am pushy. You see how much uglier it got as I made my list? Yeah, me too...
How fortunate I am to serve a Savior who knew my imperfections when he chose to come to this earth to die for the sin of man. "So then, shall I continue sinning?" Certainly not! I can, however, rest in the knowledge that he's covered my sin and also gave the Holy Spirit to help me conquer the temptation to dwell in my inability. I am honestly no humbler or wiser through my current struggles and I am guaranteed to struggle and fail more in the future but its a relief to know its covered and he loves me anyway.
That's all for now. I've gotta make a run for a new lawn mower belt. Be blessed.
