Someday Stepmom Insecurities

This weekend I will meet Mark's kids for the first time.  Its a holiday weekend so I pretty much saw it coming but that still doesn't mean I don't feel unprepared.  I've seen pictures and picked both Mark and Sarah's (Mark's mom) brains about Emily, Ali, and Dylan's individual personalities.  I've done the best I could to try and learn as much as possible about them before this date arrives.  However, I still have a knot in the pit of my stomach about how major this is.

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to meet them and see first hand the children that Mark so adores.  He's been amazing with all the kids in my family so I can only imagine that will be amplified with his own flesh and blood.  I know how much he misses them and getting him to a point where he has a place to bring them for his scheduled weekend visits has been a continued point of conversation for us.  Talk will one day become reality but we're still working out the details of right now.  Right now, I'm uncertain.

One concern is the relationship with Mark's ex.  In a perfect world, we would be able to all sit down as adults and play nice for the sake of the kids.  The reality is that divorce is ugly and its already created an imperfect situation.  My hope is that Jenny will see that we all want what's best for the kids but I don't know her to know if that's possible.  I know Mark's feelings toward her and I'm guessing she has feelings for him that are just as volatile.  I firmly believe that as time passes, the strength of those feelings will lessen.  For now its an intense situation that could potentially explode around us.    

As out of control as things could get with Jenny, she isn't my primary concern.  Wednesday three names will become three little faces.  Faces that I have the ability to impact for either good or bad.  Faces that will reflect the choices that Mark and I make in our relationship.  Faces that are relying on the adults in their lives to protect their innocence and childhood.  Wednesday I become one of those adults.  I have no doubt that Mark will be able to work me into the fabric of his relationship with his children.  But at this point there are no clear instructions on how to do that in the least unsettling way possible for them.  This is what leaves me feeling inadequate.

To be completely honest, this someday step mom is nervous.  Prayers would be appreciated.